Honesty is the Best Policy.

It feels good to relate truths on this blog.
Perhaps they are guarded, still---
but less guarded than I find in my other writings.

What happened today?

Oh, I fell more terribly in love with Alan than ever ever before.
More than I ever thought possible.
I think it is true: that no one does love like we do.

I also got my first speeding ticket, oh wicked me.

I aided in the creation of an apple tart.

I found my sewing machine!

Oh, I can't stop thinking. About life. About love. About him.

Goodnight.

Tired of School

Ow. My neck hurts.

I have a math test in a few hours.

I have an appointment with my advisor in an hour.

I feel frustrated and weary.

I am concerned about money.

I am looking for something to fill me.

I have become a black hole.

Your Quote:

I talked to absolutely no one, couldn't keep to myself enough, and the things bottled inside have finally begun to create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up. I heard the reverberating footsteps syncing up to the beating of my heart, and I was positive that unless I got myself together, I would watch me fall apart...and I can't let that happen again!

I'm realizing my issues...

So, I realize I have an eating disorder.

I just can't eat like normal people do without having a huge complex about it...

Maybe I'll lose weight, though.

Your quote:

"Always for me, the spectacle of eating and the spectacle of vomiting: forever mingled in my thoughts."

Helen Keller

Today I was a Helen Keller.

I blasted music into my ears and took off my glasses.
Instantly, this crowded college became a sea of moving colors and lights---like being drugged while at the circus. Wonderful.

I think I shall try this more often.

Your quote:

These violent delights have violent ends

and in their triumph die, like fire and powder,

which as they kiss, consume.

Friday

The weekend is about to begin. Who would have thought I could make it through? I wouldn't have believed it. I'm so weary, so worn-down, so ready to be done.

Your quote:

But I have miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.
-Robert Frost

Humble Living

Living on one's own, there comes a time when one starts worrying about running out of money and realizes just how expensive the cost of living is.

There are things one will eat that one would never have eaten, much less, thought of as pure culinary wizardry...mmm?

Today's meal:

Brown Rice, Lentils, Tuna, Pickle Relish...........

It's actually not bad at all.

Bad Day

I've just finished making up answers on my Science test.
It was bad.
I mean, very bad.

Climbing up the stairs from the First Floor to the Second, I am always reminded of First-Grade, and the smells of the cafeteria in the noses of hungry children. I suppose it's because the stairs are near the kitchen, but the smell is this:
A hot pan, buttered, sits on the stove, while a woman opens a cold can of corn, and dumps it into the pot, stirring and peppering, and humming to boot.
That is what the stairway smells like.

How do I feel inside?

Nervous. Anxious. Worried.

About the test, I imagine.

Suddenly, I realize I am very hungry.